its offically over.
i just cannot make the one i love stay with me for long.
its always like these.
2 years ago this kinda thing happen, 2 years later the kinda same thing happen yet again.
whats this? am i being played in my life? or just meant not to be with anyone?
i dont really know. but 1 thing i know is that i easily made their feelings fade.
tried all my best to spark up the r/s up in the end its still no use.
I guess communication was the problem that lead to this.
Meaning the problem started from me that slowly causes problems to appear.
i know sometimes i really dont talk much.
i know sometimes its really boring when you are with me.
i know most of the time is you who started our conversation.
i knew it all the while.
i tried my very best to find things to talk or talk naturally but i just cant.
i really dont know why im like these and i hate it not only you. i seriously hate it.
but even if its so, you should have told me your unhappiness when we are tgt.
you just bottle up all your thoughts and feelings inside you.
you said that to know and understand you, have to use heart.
sometimes i really cant use my heart to understand you totally cause i really dont know what you are thinking.
we said before that if there are any problems with one another, just say it out and we will try to solve it.
but it never happen at all.
but i cant blame you on these because i myself also didnt tell you anything.
Honestly, i didnt tell you any of my unhappiness is because there isnt any.
i felt happy to be with you.
i felt happy being loved by you.
i felt happy that i gave you the secure and happiness you want.
i felt happy cause you are happy when im with you.
sometimes i see you stress and tired over things, my heart just ache but i cant do much.
i know that i needa stand by you whenever you need me and i know when you see me, your thoughts are cleared at that point of time.
Anyway, i said so much also no use already.
i keep think that there are still hope for us.
Feelings faded are hard to get it back no matter what.
in the end, im being defeated by this thing called ' feelings ' and myself.
Now,
i cant hug you when you need a hug, but you can hug that bear.
i cant give you my shoulder when you need a shoulder to lie on.
i cant wipe away your tears whenever you cry.
i wont be around when you are drunk, so do take care of yourself. but i know your friends will take care even it happen.
i only can watch you from far, show my concern, give you my support, as a friend.
i cant bear to leave you, but you already given all up.
its only a 1mth+ r/s and i made it sounded like 1 year 2 year r/s.
i know im silly but i cant help it because my feelings are still there.
i even have this thought of.. what if i want to chase you back? will i have a chance? but i guess thats out of the question to you because you said before that you once you break, you wont go back to that r/s. right? but i still wanna try. if i really really fail, i think it will be difficult for me to be loving anyone anymore.
Lastly,
im really disappointed of what happen but i dont blame you because none of us want this.
im just too naive and put all my effort in the r/s and now fell down and hurt myself.
i dont know what will happen in the future but if you found a better and suitable guy for yourself, i just hope he will treat you well like how i did.
(L)